Thoughts On Love

"I took a chance, I took a shot

And you might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not

You took a swing, I took it hard

And down here from the ground I see who you are"

Relationships are a funny thing.  I wish we could just be given a name at birth of whom we would end up with, so we wouldn't have to go through all the heartache trying to find our soul mates.  My whole life I have been told to not expect a fairytale, they don't exist.  Love isn't picture perfect, it is a struggle and you have to fight for it.  But ever since I was little I promised myself that I would find a fairytale and prove everyone wrong.  I would live happily ever after someday.  I've dated quite a few guys, and am starting to think I will never find my prince charming.  Maybe everyone was right all along.  I've constantly watched couples fight and argue, and have been surrounded by people who either cheat or have been cheated on.  We live in a very cold world.  I'm not perfect, in fact I'm far from perfect.  Though, I try my hardest each day, and I regret the wrong decisions I make.  I try to live in such a way that I would deserve a prince charming.  

What is it about having someone that is so addicting? Why can't we all just be happy on our own and never long for that sense of companionship?  It's impossible to break a heart, that doesn't long to be loved.  Love is a funny concept also.  Whether you're feeling butterflies or you're feeling like you were just punched in the stomach, love tends to have a big effect on everyone.  Also funny that the same amazing person who once gave us butterflies, eventually leaves us in tears gasping for air as the punched in the stomach feeling begins.  We've all experienced the same pain.  So why is it that we open up our hearts time and time again, to feel this same pain for a different person?  I remember my very first heartbreak.  It was fourth grade and I was MADLY in love with Travis Harper (I know right..!?).  I stayed home sick from school and received a call from Lauren later that day telling me that her and Travis were officially "going out".  It seems so trivial now, I barely remember a thing about the conversation we had or about going to school again, but I do remember the feeling.  The same punch in the stomach feeling that I have felt even now at 18 years old.  I beg all of you that when you have daughters, never tell them they are too young to know what love feels like.  You are never too young to have your heart broken.  Evidently, never too old either.

William Somerset Maugham once said, “The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”

It's often a worry of mine that I will never find a boy who will want to stick around for forever.  Yes, I have dated a lot of douche bags, but even the very few sweethearts I've managed to find leave eventually.  Nothing is concrete.  

"I don't want a just a memory give me forever

Don't even think about saying good-bye

'Cause I want just one love to be enough

And remain in my heart till I die"

I'm still looking for my fairytale, and even though I thought I had found it, it turns out I was wrong.  “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

 I still want to believe that my prince charming is out there.  Even though it is hard, I will keep hoping.  I know that I will be alright eventually just because of my past heart breaks.  Every time this happens, I feel as though I will never be the same.  I will never make it through.  I will never love again.  Each time, however, I slowly move on and find someone new.  I won't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. 

When I find my prince charming, you will all know.  ♥