You were my best friend, you gained my complete trust, and I could never thank you enough for all that you've taught me. You kept me hanging around battered and bruised, messing with my head and toying with my heart. After a while you abandoned me, kicked me when I was down, and watched my world shatter to pieces. You let me believe things were okay, and once there was a glimmer of hope you ripped it away. You stood by unfazed while I suffered through every single day. You never thought twice about what you put me through, and did everything you could to ensure I would never get over you. I am better than everything you've put me through and I will keep my head up and continue with my life. I am able to wish you the best, I don't speak ill about you to others, and I am beginning to forget our story. I am confident that one day you will see the pain you caused, but when that day comes, I will be long gone.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Dear ....
Sometimes you meet people who turn out to be exactly who you thought they would be. This can be either a good thing or a bad thing. I've been taught that when you're angry, you should write down everything you want to say and tuck the letter away somewhere, that way the words come out but you don't hurt anyone's feelings. This is my letter, a Dear John of sorts:
You were my best friend, you gained my complete trust, and I could never thank you enough for all that you've taught me. You kept me hanging around battered and bruised, messing with my head and toying with my heart. After a while you abandoned me, kicked me when I was down, and watched my world shatter to pieces. You let me believe things were okay, and once there was a glimmer of hope you ripped it away. You stood by unfazed while I suffered through every single day. You never thought twice about what you put me through, and did everything you could to ensure I would never get over you. I am better than everything you've put me through and I will keep my head up and continue with my life. I am able to wish you the best, I don't speak ill about you to others, and I am beginning to forget our story. I am confident that one day you will see the pain you caused, but when that day comes, I will be long gone.
You were my best friend, you gained my complete trust, and I could never thank you enough for all that you've taught me. You kept me hanging around battered and bruised, messing with my head and toying with my heart. After a while you abandoned me, kicked me when I was down, and watched my world shatter to pieces. You let me believe things were okay, and once there was a glimmer of hope you ripped it away. You stood by unfazed while I suffered through every single day. You never thought twice about what you put me through, and did everything you could to ensure I would never get over you. I am better than everything you've put me through and I will keep my head up and continue with my life. I am able to wish you the best, I don't speak ill about you to others, and I am beginning to forget our story. I am confident that one day you will see the pain you caused, but when that day comes, I will be long gone.
Blast From the Past
My Freshman year at Utah State made me the person I am today. I met so many great people and had so much fun. Although my freshman year was also filled with many of the most challenging trials I have ever been faced with, I can honestly say it was the best year of my life. I have grown up so much in the past year, and a lot about me has changed for the better. It all started when I moved into Snow Hall room 305.
I still remember moving all of my belongings into the dorm. We had to take three different cars to fit everything! I remember how big everything looked and how scared and excited I was to be the first one in my family to move away to college. I was the first one of all my roommates to move in so I had the whole dorm room to myself for the night. After we had gotten everything set up in my room and I had to say goodbye to my family, reality kicked in. I remember bawling when they all left and crying myself to sleep that night. I remember feeling so small in that dorm. I felt like I didn't belong and like I would never adjust to it. I wanted to be home with my family and back with my group of best girl friends!
As the week progressed my roommates began moving in and we were given the news that two of the roommates we had been assigned had actually dropped out and were not coming to Utah State anymore. For a few weeks there were only four of us, Ricki Janes, Caitlyn Lewis, Annemarie Grey, and me. Until one day a tiny little girl came to our dorm room and told us that she and her friend would be moving in with us in a few days. BAM Julianne Brough and Lizzy Burns were thrown into our lives :). These girls were the best friends/sisters I could've asked for, they were there for me when I needed them most and I know they always will be even today. I posted pictures to show you how gorgeous all of my roommates are... and I posted pictures after writing about each to show WHO they are.
Ricki Janes (left in picture):
Ricki was my actual roommate... Yes we lived in the same bedroom! Which means on occasion she would shout my name really loud if I was snoring, she would put up with all of my random moods through out the day, she would warn me if Lizzy and Gentry were going to sneak under my bed and try to scare me when I fell asleep, she is my best friend :). I trust this girl with my life. We would get into our random moods, and during that time everything we said was freakin hilarious (we thought). Sometimes we would accidentally dress... the exact same. Ricki is my other half and I have no idea where I would be without her.
Caitlyn Lewis:
Meet the most kind-hearted person you will ever see in your life. I never once saw Caitlyn get mad during the year we lived together, I saw her get emotional but never angry. When Caitlyn and I first met, her whole family walked in to see me wearing nothing but a short bath robe and a towel on top of my head. Caitlyn bust up laughing. She has the loudest most contagious laugh of anyone I know. The night before we had to leave snow hall it was Caitlyn's idea to paint the walls with glow in the dark paint... (it looked legit). She was always saying or doing something funny and entertained us all. I learned a lot from living with Caitlyn.
Julianne Brough:
Julianne is the biggest sweetheart in the whole world. She is very soft spoken, but can be loud if the time calls for it! I remember her getting angry at Lizzy one time and stomping down the hallway after her and I told her she looked like an angry little troll... hahaha sorry Julie. Julianne was the type of girl who could get a date anywhere she went. We would go to the grocery store and she'd come home with two dates, none of us really understood her techniques. Lizzy once said, "Julianne could barf all over a guy and he'd ask her if he could take her out that weekend." She was also the artist. I remember staying up nearly all night with all the girls helping Julie paint a picture of a tree for her art project... that was due in the morning. She's adorable and I love her to death.
Lizzy Burns:
I remember the first time I saw Lizzy, I was standing out in the hallway watching the boys down the hall have a handstand contest and she walked in. The only thing that came to my mind was this girl is probably a stuck up brat and ten bucks says she's my new roommate. Haha Lizzy is drop dead gorgeous. She's also a heartbreaker haha I don't know anyone who hasn't wished they could date Lizzy. After about two days of living with Lizzy I realized how crazy, weird, and fun she is. Her and Julianne were the dynamic duo always doing something that made me laugh. Lizzy came to college equipped with cooking skills, great fashion sense, and an insane amount of craftiness. She was always making something whether it be lamp shades or headbands, she was always busy with something. I love Lizzy very much, and I was blessed to be able to be put into the same room with her, she definitely helped shape the person I am.
Annemarie Grey Pugmire:
Annemarie was our roommate during Fall semester! She was very kind and very quiet. Whenever someone asked about Annemarie we would always tell them the same thing "She's engaged". Haha we all thought it was very cool to know someone who was already engaged. She was very busy with wedding plans and with her Fiance Tom :) but we had some great times together! We threw her a bachelorette party in Lizzy and Julianne's room. Going to her reception with all of the girls is one of my favorite memories, we all had so much fun together and we loved seeing Annemarie and Tom both happy together! (I didn't have any blackmail pictures of her or they'd be up here too)
Anna Price (left in picture):
Annemarie's wedding took place over Christmas break and we received a new roommate... Anna. I remember being scared to have a new roommate because we were all so used to each other. I was also very scared because Anna and Ricki knew each other from a class they had during fall semester and I was scared that Anna wouldn't like the rest of us. I was dead wrong. Anna is also a huge sweetheart. She is pretty much good at everything she does.. no joke.. it pissed me off sometimes. I remember going to play badminton at the field house and Anna beat some girl who had played badminton in China for SEVEN YEARS. The girl is amazing. Anna and I will still be rooming together this coming fall along with Ricki and I can't wait to have familiar faces around again
I had the best roommates anyone could have ever asked for, and we lived across the hall from the greatest boys in the whole world. The first boy I ever met that lived across the hall was Alecc... I needed help opening a jar so I walked over to ask. He was sitting in his chair on his laptop with his shirt off. Surprise surprise.. haha that never changed all year.
Basically I go to the best college in the world, I love it here so much. I love the people here and I love the atmosphere :) we all love Utah State and we're all so proud to be AGGIES BABY!!!!!
I still remember moving all of my belongings into the dorm. We had to take three different cars to fit everything! I remember how big everything looked and how scared and excited I was to be the first one in my family to move away to college. I was the first one of all my roommates to move in so I had the whole dorm room to myself for the night. After we had gotten everything set up in my room and I had to say goodbye to my family, reality kicked in. I remember bawling when they all left and crying myself to sleep that night. I remember feeling so small in that dorm. I felt like I didn't belong and like I would never adjust to it. I wanted to be home with my family and back with my group of best girl friends!
As the week progressed my roommates began moving in and we were given the news that two of the roommates we had been assigned had actually dropped out and were not coming to Utah State anymore. For a few weeks there were only four of us, Ricki Janes, Caitlyn Lewis, Annemarie Grey, and me. Until one day a tiny little girl came to our dorm room and told us that she and her friend would be moving in with us in a few days. BAM Julianne Brough and Lizzy Burns were thrown into our lives :). These girls were the best friends/sisters I could've asked for, they were there for me when I needed them most and I know they always will be even today. I posted pictures to show you how gorgeous all of my roommates are... and I posted pictures after writing about each to show WHO they are.
Ricki Janes (left in picture):
Ricki was my actual roommate... Yes we lived in the same bedroom! Which means on occasion she would shout my name really loud if I was snoring, she would put up with all of my random moods through out the day, she would warn me if Lizzy and Gentry were going to sneak under my bed and try to scare me when I fell asleep, she is my best friend :). I trust this girl with my life. We would get into our random moods, and during that time everything we said was freakin hilarious (we thought). Sometimes we would accidentally dress... the exact same. Ricki is my other half and I have no idea where I would be without her.
Caitlyn Lewis:
Meet the most kind-hearted person you will ever see in your life. I never once saw Caitlyn get mad during the year we lived together, I saw her get emotional but never angry. When Caitlyn and I first met, her whole family walked in to see me wearing nothing but a short bath robe and a towel on top of my head. Caitlyn bust up laughing. She has the loudest most contagious laugh of anyone I know. The night before we had to leave snow hall it was Caitlyn's idea to paint the walls with glow in the dark paint... (it looked legit). She was always saying or doing something funny and entertained us all. I learned a lot from living with Caitlyn.
Julianne Brough:
Julianne is the biggest sweetheart in the whole world. She is very soft spoken, but can be loud if the time calls for it! I remember her getting angry at Lizzy one time and stomping down the hallway after her and I told her she looked like an angry little troll... hahaha sorry Julie. Julianne was the type of girl who could get a date anywhere she went. We would go to the grocery store and she'd come home with two dates, none of us really understood her techniques. Lizzy once said, "Julianne could barf all over a guy and he'd ask her if he could take her out that weekend." She was also the artist. I remember staying up nearly all night with all the girls helping Julie paint a picture of a tree for her art project... that was due in the morning. She's adorable and I love her to death.
Lizzy Burns:
I remember the first time I saw Lizzy, I was standing out in the hallway watching the boys down the hall have a handstand contest and she walked in. The only thing that came to my mind was this girl is probably a stuck up brat and ten bucks says she's my new roommate. Haha Lizzy is drop dead gorgeous. She's also a heartbreaker haha I don't know anyone who hasn't wished they could date Lizzy. After about two days of living with Lizzy I realized how crazy, weird, and fun she is. Her and Julianne were the dynamic duo always doing something that made me laugh. Lizzy came to college equipped with cooking skills, great fashion sense, and an insane amount of craftiness. She was always making something whether it be lamp shades or headbands, she was always busy with something. I love Lizzy very much, and I was blessed to be able to be put into the same room with her, she definitely helped shape the person I am.
Annemarie was our roommate during Fall semester! She was very kind and very quiet. Whenever someone asked about Annemarie we would always tell them the same thing "She's engaged". Haha we all thought it was very cool to know someone who was already engaged. She was very busy with wedding plans and with her Fiance Tom :) but we had some great times together! We threw her a bachelorette party in Lizzy and Julianne's room. Going to her reception with all of the girls is one of my favorite memories, we all had so much fun together and we loved seeing Annemarie and Tom both happy together! (I didn't have any blackmail pictures of her or they'd be up here too)
Annemarie's wedding took place over Christmas break and we received a new roommate... Anna. I remember being scared to have a new roommate because we were all so used to each other. I was also very scared because Anna and Ricki knew each other from a class they had during fall semester and I was scared that Anna wouldn't like the rest of us. I was dead wrong. Anna is also a huge sweetheart. She is pretty much good at everything she does.. no joke.. it pissed me off sometimes. I remember going to play badminton at the field house and Anna beat some girl who had played badminton in China for SEVEN YEARS. The girl is amazing. Anna and I will still be rooming together this coming fall along with Ricki and I can't wait to have familiar faces around again
I had the best roommates anyone could have ever asked for, and we lived across the hall from the greatest boys in the whole world. The first boy I ever met that lived across the hall was Alecc... I needed help opening a jar so I walked over to ask. He was sitting in his chair on his laptop with his shirt off. Surprise surprise.. haha that never changed all year.
Kyle Black, Steve Wilcox, Justin Calder, Eric Winegar, Alecc Quesada, and Riley Davis. I love each of you boys very much you made freshman year amazing for me.
I also wanted to give a shout out to the Snow Hall 205 girls, our room loved you all very much!!!!!!!!
Summer in Logan is definitely different than Fall and Spring semester. I love that I'm an Aggie and I can't wait for my sophomore year here at Utah State University!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Independence Day
I'm a few days late but I wanted to blog about the fourth of July. Independence Day is my favorite holiday, I never miss a chance to see fireworks! I spent the fourth this year with my family and Damian. It was so much fun being able to watch my baby nieces faces when the fireworks were lit off. America is such a blessed country, we have so much more than anywhere else. However, freedom is not free. I want to take the time to thank all of my friends and loved ones I know who sacrifice every day of their lives in order to make our country free. I want to thank the people I haven't had the opportunity to meet yet that are out fighting or preparing to fight. I am proud to live in America, and I am proud to know such brave people.
One of the very last dances I performed before quitting was a lyrical dance. The song was about 9/11, and honestly was the hardest song I have ever had to perform to. I cried every time we would practice, cried during the performance, and still to this day cry when I listen to it. It reminds me of how blessed I am to be alive and to know my family is safe. I hope it can have the same effect on you.
One of the very last dances I performed before quitting was a lyrical dance. The song was about 9/11, and honestly was the hardest song I have ever had to perform to. I cried every time we would practice, cried during the performance, and still to this day cry when I listen to it. It reminds me of how blessed I am to be alive and to know my family is safe. I hope it can have the same effect on you.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Thoughts On Love
"I took a chance, I took a shot
And you might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not
You took a swing, I took it hard
And down here from the ground I see who you are"
Relationships are a funny thing. I wish we could just be given a name at birth of whom we would end up with, so we wouldn't have to go through all the heartache trying to find our soul mates. My whole life I have been told to not expect a fairytale, they don't exist. Love isn't picture perfect, it is a struggle and you have to fight for it. But ever since I was little I promised myself that I would find a fairytale and prove everyone wrong. I would live happily ever after someday. I've dated quite a few guys, and am starting to think I will never find my prince charming. Maybe everyone was right all along. I've constantly watched couples fight and argue, and have been surrounded by people who either cheat or have been cheated on. We live in a very cold world. I'm not perfect, in fact I'm far from perfect. Though, I try my hardest each day, and I regret the wrong decisions I make. I try to live in such a way that I would deserve a prince charming.
What is it about having someone that is so addicting? Why can't we all just be happy on our own and never long for that sense of companionship? It's impossible to break a heart, that doesn't long to be loved. Love is a funny concept also. Whether you're feeling butterflies or you're feeling like you were just punched in the stomach, love tends to have a big effect on everyone. Also funny that the same amazing person who once gave us butterflies, eventually leaves us in tears gasping for air as the punched in the stomach feeling begins. We've all experienced the same pain. So why is it that we open up our hearts time and time again, to feel this same pain for a different person? I remember my very first heartbreak. It was fourth grade and I was MADLY in love with Travis Harper (I know right..!?). I stayed home sick from school and received a call from Lauren later that day telling me that her and Travis were officially "going out". It seems so trivial now, I barely remember a thing about the conversation we had or about going to school again, but I do remember the feeling. The same punch in the stomach feeling that I have felt even now at 18 years old. I beg all of you that when you have daughters, never tell them they are too young to know what love feels like. You are never too young to have your heart broken. Evidently, never too old either.
William Somerset Maugham once said, “The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”
It's often a worry of mine that I will never find a boy who will want to stick around for forever. Yes, I have dated a lot of douche bags, but even the very few sweethearts I've managed to find leave eventually. Nothing is concrete.
"I don't want a just a memory give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
'Cause I want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die"
I'm still looking for my fairytale, and even though I thought I had found it, it turns out I was wrong. “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
I still want to believe that my prince charming is out there. Even though it is hard, I will keep hoping. I know that I will be alright eventually just because of my past heart breaks. Every time this happens, I feel as though I will never be the same. I will never make it through. I will never love again. Each time, however, I slowly move on and find someone new. I won't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.
When I find my prince charming, you will all know. ♥
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